Puhleeeeeease just one simple little ho-hum round of UT 1v1? I Swear I've never played it before so no worries of sexual abuse. We don't even have to do a full round, first to 60 kills then its over, sound like a plan? You can even chose the only one weapon that I can use and you can use them all including the nitro-circus-cannon! I promise, you'll pwn me, you'll see, lol...
